


When the Rain Ends

by ThreeKnivesInAWineGlass



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Curses, Emotional Recovery, Faeries - Freeform, I'm so sorry Joshua, M/M, Magic, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, he's gonna get through it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-04
Updated: 2019-05-04
Packaged: 2020-02-25 23:14:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18711646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThreeKnivesInAWineGlass/pseuds/ThreeKnivesInAWineGlass
Summary: Seungcheol’s always been so giving. Joshua wishes he’d had the nerve to tell him to stop helping when they were younger, to not keep taking the weight, no matter how much it piled up on Joshua’s shoulders, but he was tired. He’s still tired.





	When the Rain Ends

**Author's Note:**

> Author’s disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. The characters I write about are inferred from public personas but should not be taken as accurate portrayals of their real world counterparts. Some fans have a hard time separating fantasy and reality, so before you read my story, I implore you to recognize these as characters, not celebrities. Please don’t project what you read in stories onto real people. Please respect real people.
> 
> Thank you for reading, and I hope you enjoy my fic.

No rain, no flowers - that’s what Joshua’s heard for over a decade now. Over and over and over, from friends, neighbors, fucking anyone and everyone. He knows it’s supposed to be a compliment of sorts, or at least it’s meant to soothe him, reassure him. They don’t understand, though.

Joshua is rain, yes, and on good days that’s fine, but on his bad days … well, they’re bad for a reason. Joshua is rain but he is more than that. He’s torrential downpour and flooding. He’s sudden storms that soak you through to the bone. He’s ditches full of water with nowhere else to go, the ground too saturated to absorb any more. He’s water damage on a family heirloom, the destroyer of something priceless. He’s damaged and damaging. Disgraceful, that’s what Joshua is.

The rain trickles down the window, steady and slow. It’s one of his good days. The tea Seungcheol set on the sill for him has gone bitterly cold, with not a drop misplaced from the glass. Everything is slow and cold.

At least on the bad days Joshua gets to hate himself as he watches Seungcheol light candles - if he’s even home - and waits for the power to go out. He gets to feel bad as he observes leaves being swept up by the rush of water swirling through the streets. When it’s a good day like this, still happening but quiet, all Joshua can feel is shame.

No, don’t think about that. What was it Seungcheol said? Think positive. Right. Well, he got out of bed. First time in a long time he’s managed that. It’s a small victory, really, regardless of what Seungcheol will call it when he gets home, but Joshua will take it since he can’t remember when the last time he left his bedroom was.

The bad days are bad for a reason, and he’s been having a lot of them lately.

Maybe, if he’s lucky, the rain will stop today. Maybe Joshua can muster up the energy to change his clothes; he’s been in the same pajamas for what must be nearing, or possibly be over, a week now. He doesn’t know.

Joshua doesn’t check what day it is when the rain starts, and he doesn’t keep tally of how long it lasts either. He’s tired enough when it rains without a habit to maintain specifically when he’s at his lowest. Besides, he wouldn’t gain anything from trying to track it, there is no pattern. He knows there isn’t. He learned that a long time ago, and he’d been told as much even before he accepted it as truth.

Even if he weren’t so resigned to it being a fruitless endeavor, Joshua wouldn’t want to count the days. He can’t say for sure which pain he’d rather endure, knowing Seungcheol has plans and anticipating him leaving Joshua alone in the apartment with a water bottle and a sandwich, or waking up to simply find him gone, the sandwich and water bottle left within his reach.

Regardless of which he’d rather endure, the latter is his reality, and he’d rather not trade it out. He’s used to it now, if only mostly. It probably helps that Seungcheol started looking out for him back in school - back when it was easier, when Joshua didn’t have as many days, good or bad.

Seungcheol’s always been so giving. Joshua wishes he’d had the nerve to tell him to stop helping when they were younger, to not keep taking the weight, no matter how much it piled up on Joshua’s shoulders, but he was tired. He’s still tired. So, so tired. And afraid.

Waking up to an empty apartment is only bearable when Seungcheol comes back, finds Joshua either on the couch or in his bed, and flashes that warm, gummy smile as he sits and talks about his day. Joshua feels more like a person and less like a vegetable then, like maybe there’s still something left in him, left of him, that’s worth sticking around for.

It also makes Joshua feel angry. Not at Seungcheol, never at Seungcheol, but at his life, what little remains of it. Fire burns in his lungs, his veins, makes him itch to chase down everything he’s lost and take it back.

It’s that shred of desire, that fickle little emotion that sometimes escapes from the dark shroud of exhaustion, sadness, and fear, that makes Joshua firm. The longing sears his skin, enough finally pent up to spur him into action. He’s tired but Seungcheol is too, and Joshua’s run out of excuses, not for Seungcheol but for himself. Seungcheol would never ask anything of Joshua, hasn’t since everything went to hell, since Joshua came back from the mountains, but Joshua can’t breathe like this. He can’t keep inhaling smoke.

Reliance is not Joshua’s game. It never was. And though he knows Seungcheol doesn’t resent him, Joshua started to resent himself some time ago. He can’t go on like this. He can’t keep feeling like he’s useless. He  _ needs _ to start helping.

When this rain ends, Joshua’s going to look for a job. The graveyard shift at one of the corner stores would work. The rain usually relents at night - a small blessing buried within the curse - so even when it rains during the day, he should be able to get himself together enough to sit in, what would most likely be, an empty store for half the night. It should be easy enough for him to handle.

It’s not as if he’ll exactly be missing any sleep either, since he sleeps through half the day when it’s raining anyway. And when it isn’t raining and Joshua has the daylight to enjoy, the night shift probably won’t be fun, and he probably will miss some sleep, but Joshua doesn’t need it to be fun. What Joshua needs is for it to pay, even if it’s only a little. Joshua refuses to leech off of his best friend any longer.

When this rain ends, he’ll start helping.

**Author's Note:**

> Art exists to be witnessed.
> 
> If you’re so inclined after reading my fic, comments are always appreciated, especially if you have thoughts, feelings, or questions about the story. Regardless of whether it’s long or short, comments let me know that my work was engaged with, which, as a writer, is all I hope for those reading my fic to do.


End file.
